


Cipher

by goateyes



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Drugs, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 11:13:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3726742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goateyes/pseuds/goateyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A depressed teen, an untrustworthy teacher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Punsly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punsly/gifts).



> Cursing, suicide attempts, and drug use. You have been warned.

 

My day started out a bit rough. I took my time getting up and rolling my day old shirt over myself and reversed the pant leg to my jeans a few times until I was sober enough to pull them on. Rolling a quick joint I pulled a lighter from the inside of my boxers and sparked it up as I began walking to school. Halfway to school I managed to forget my phone and my backpack so I decided to hitchhike. “Where you headed?” A nice looking middle aged woman asked unlocking her doors for me to get in.

  “Just a few blocks that way.” I pointed my thumb West and watched her pull over seconds later at my condo. “Thank you, God Bless.” I said nicely and when she left I snickered to myself, _God Bless. Yeah, sure._ I was high out of my mind so finding anything was tough, but after a few stumbles I managed to get my phone into my pocket, headphones in my ears blasting music from the Rasta radio, and then I plucked an apple from my fridge and pulled on my backpack and left for school again.

  Actually being _in_ school was a bit tougher, no friends, lonely eating in the schoolyard, occasional class skipping to smoke on the roof of the school, but today was different. I was in Ms. Lackeys’ class. I love Ms. Lackeys, ever since I was disowned my freshman year she took me in so I could stay at her house until I was old enough to get a job. I had this terrible sense of dread creeping up my stomach today. 

  “I regret to inform you with this aweful news but,” Why was the principal in Ms. Lackeys class? A tall man was behind him, looking as equally upset as the principal did. His eyes were watering and I could only hope for anything but what I managed to think. “Ms. Lackey suffered from a fatal heart attack over the weekend. Her funeral will be held next week Tuesday, I would be very humbled if you guys would attend.”

  I couldn’t control the wave of depression that slammed into me as if I was being punched in the chest. A sob wracked through me causing everyone to look at me. I had to leave, I had to leave _now_! It took only a few seconds for me to grab my backpack and run out of the class.

  I made my way up to the only safe place I’ve ever had, the roof.

  Landing on my stomach on the wet surface of the cemented roof I slammed the door shut behind me successfully locking it. I yelled and screamed as I cried, letting the oncoming storm take me away with it. Throwing my backpack over the edge of the roof I watched it fall from the three stories and land with a terrible crack, the impact cutting open some of the threads and letting some papers fly out.

  I let my body do the same, crawling up the ledge and standing over the railing careful not to fuck up. A student saw me from below and screamed at the top of her lungs. “Mr. Haywood! Mr. Haywood! He’s gunna jump!” Fuck, I have to make this quick before someone stops me. She screamed again, filling my head, my every being with worry and doubt. “Don’t do it!”

  She’s right.  

  I’ve learned too much, I’ve seen too much, I have to share it with the world. I was going to climb over and make my way back to class when I lost my footing. With no way to grab onto anything I let my body become weightless, a cipher. Someone grabbed me roughly from behind pulling me over the edge. We both fell onto the ground with a painful thud.

  I managed to look over my shoulder to see the man I saw behind the principal with his arms wrapped around me. “Let me do it!” I sobbed my hair falling into my eyes, the rain wetting us both. “I won’t let you go,” and he didn’t.

  He dragged me through the school covering my face so the students wouldn’t see who I was and pulled me up as I struggled.

  He put me into the passenger seat of a car I was assuming was him. “Where are you taking me?” I shivered as he turned on the air conditioning. “The police station, and hopefully they’ll take you to a psychiatric ward.” He hissed eyes locked on the road. “B-ut um.” I stuttered. Think-think, think Ray think! _Fuck._ I closed my eyes and counted to three.

Shit! “They’ll make me take a drug test! I-I, I can’t- I can’t go to jail, I’m only seventeen! The big one seven yeah? I-I mean small, very young!” I gripped myself in a hug trying to stop my violent shivering. “P-Please! I’m too young. It’s only medical I swear!” I lied.

  “Shut up.” He hissed eyes hardening taking an unexpected turn which was definitely not in the direction of the police station. “Oh my god thank you. Thank you!” I let my head rest back peeling off my jacket still shivering. “Shut up.” He hissed again. And then again, “Shut up.”

  And then he began insulting me, “You fucking idiot! You idiot! Why the hell would you ever do something like that? Ever!” Visibly seeing his eyes bursting into flames I knew I had to explain myself quickly.  “I slipped-“

  “Bull shit.”

  “Honestly! I swear it! I wanted to jump, I wanted to but then I was going to climb over the railing again and I slipped because- oh god.” I started crying again. “Ms. Lackeys.” Tears dripping over my wobbling chin that I couldn’t control the chatter of. “Oh god.” I gripping my damp hair in my hands and pulled as hard as possible. “Stop!” The man slammed on the breaks jerking my forward and because I didn’t have a seat belt on my nose collided with the dash board with a damned smack.

  “Fuck! Ow!” I yelped holding my nose turning to the man. Sobs were wracking through me and I became embarrassed. I’ve always been an ugly crier. He looked at my with an angry face then softened his expression. “Don’t look at me. I’m ugly.” When I said that the man scoffed and started driving again. “You’re some piece of shit to think suicide was a smart idea.”

  “Like I have anyone who cares about me, who would grieve if I was dead.” I said without thinking, was it wrong to defend myself in this sort of situation? Or was I doing the right thing? “Bull shit. Your parents?” And he seemed upset when I scoffed.

  “Your friends?” I scoffed again.

  “Your teachers…?” And that was the punch to my gut I was waiting for.

  “Only Ms. Lackeys.” I opted for looking out the window. “What’s your name anyways?” I asked him trying to look for a name tag of some sort. “Ryan.”

  “Ryan what?”

  “Ryan Haywood.” _Haywood?_

  “I’m Ray Narvaez,” I paused. “Junior.” And then I realized.

  “Where the fuck are you taking me now?” I looked around; it looked like some sort of neighborhood for fancy people. “My house.”

  “Your what?! No-no, no no no! No way I want to go home. I-um I have a cat, snicker doodle, who I need to feed and-“

  “Bullshit.”  And then I stuttered again. “Buh-tum guh-I. I don’t- I don’t.” I didn’t know what to say so I just shut myself up. “This is basically kidnapping I want to go h-“

  “Shut up! I’m driving.”

  “I’m-I’m con-con-confused.” I never knew I stuttered this bad, probably because I never talked to people for more than five minute, let alone get nervous around them. “I’ll bet. Listen Ray,” I shivered at the way he said my name, and not it a good way. “I don’t trust you by yourself. I’ll keep you at my place for the night and then I’ll be at school so I can take you with me-“

  “Wait what? You, at the school?” _Mr. Haywood_ the girl said. “A-are you a teacher?”

  “I’m the replacement for Ms. Lackeys.” And I started crying again pitiful sobs shaking me down to my core. “I guess you knew Ms. Lackeys well.” I gripped my hair again and this time Ryan just let me grieve, and then I remembered…

  _Knocking on Ms. Lackeys’ door I sobbed into my palm. It was raining, and late at night, or should I saw early in the morning. “Dad I’m gay.” Is what I told him and it earned me a devastating punch to my jaw putting it out of place and broken. I knocked again trying to muffle my wailing when Ms. Lackeys opened her door._

_“Ray…? It’s three in the morning what’re you doing- my God! What happened to your face?” And she took me inside letting me hug her, getting her favorite pajamas wet with dirty rain water. She let me cry into her shoulder. “Nancy I don’t know what to do! Nancy!” I would cry._

_She fed me, nourished me, let me survive off of her, she carried me, and she loved me like a mother I could never have._

“We’re here Ray. Do you just want to stay here or do you want to come inside where it’s warm?” When Ryan asked me that I thought about myself and my wellbeing. “Carry me please.” I begged tightening my fist around the wet fabric of my jacket. “Okay.”

I didn’t know him.

He didn’t know me.

  But a dim ember burned between us in an unwanted connection. It felt to be the size of a dime but burned brighter than a thousand suns. I choked out another sob, I don’t want this.

  I can’t have this right now! I can’t do it!

  Ryan got out of the car and walked over to my side opening the door then pulling me up to his chest, one arm under my back the other under the crease of my legs and I cried.

  At the connection, at the unwanted feelings I felt towards this older stranger.

  “Can you take your shirt off… or do you want me to do it?” When Ryan asked me that my face burned. My hypothermia vanished as he said that, as did the space in my jeans. “I-I got it, where’s your bathroom?”

  “Down the hall third door to the left.” I rushed as fast as possible slamming the door behind me loudly. Ripping my shirt off I wiped at my face roughly throwing it on the floor then turned on the water to the sink pooling some in my hands then rinsed my face off.

  Why would God take the life of such a nice innocent woman, who helped, and created joy wherever she went? I’ve always questioned my religious views but this skyrocketed all of those curious eleven year old thoughts. I slammed my fist square in the center of Ryan’s bathroom mirror which split the glass. Seeing myself miserable time the number of cracks I put into the glass made me angrier and angrier so I punched the glass again and again.

  So many times, until I heard loud slamming that over powered both the sink and the crunching of bones and glass. “Ray are you alright?” Thank god I locked the door. “I have a spare key Ray if you don’t open the door right now I’m coming in.” I couldn’t speak for a while, not until he used that spare key he was talking about. Wiping at my fresh tears I coughed out a sob. “I broke your mirror.”

  “Holy shit Ray.” Ryan surrounded me picking my shirt up from the floor and wrapped my hands together in tight fists. “I’m sorry Ryan. I-I I wasn’t thinking. I think I broke something.” Ryan scoffed. “Yeah no shit. You fucked up my mirror Ray!” He laughed with worry. “I mean bones. My knuckles hurt.” I didn’t let him speak I just pulled my arms over his head and hugged him for dear life and he didn’t question it.

  “You’re alright. You’re gonna be alright.” He pressed his cheek to the side of my head and hugged me equally as tight.

  In all honesty I don’t remember the next few days, I remember Ryan calling in sick to the school just to take care of me. I got so sick I was delusional, at one point I made the shadows out to be food when I was hungry, water when I was thirsty, giant flames when I was cold, or ice cubes when I was hot.

  I remember Ryan making me food and I remember Ryan rolling a blunt and I thought I was hallucinating. “Here.” He pressed the filtered end to my lips and let me inhale the familiar taste of hemp. “You’re heart is going a hundred miles an hour. Calm down.” And he’d give me a lopsided grin then he’d lick his lips before he took his own toke.

  I remember waking up on the fourth day completely healed, the wounds on my knuckles gone, and my appetite alive and well. “What’s for breakfast?” I asked Ryan when I saw him in the kitchen. “Finally grown a stomach I see?” Ryan asked with a small smile. “I sure have, make me food please.” And without any further questions he got to cooking some pancakes and eggs.

  “If you hurry up and eat now we can make it to school on time.” Ryan was right, it’s still six thirty, enough time to eat, get ready, and make it to school. So I did just that.

~+~+~+~

  We made it to school a bit before the bell and Ryan let me into his class to hang out before the bell rang. I had him first period after all. Because he was replacing Ms. Lackeys he was teaching biology. When the bell rang I feigned seriousness and got my textbooks out hiding my headphones with my jacket hood as I played some music from the Rasta radio.

  “Ray?” Ryan asked over my music shocking me. Everyone was staring so thinking quickly I slyly pulled out my headphones and tried to say something intelligent. “I apologize Mr. Haywood could you repeat that I wasn’t paying attention I apologize.” Ryan smirked satisfied with himself. “We are talking about how narcotics and recreational drug use effect different bodily systems. How would narcotics negatively affect your immune system?”

  “I wouldn’t know Sir.”

  “Sure.”

  “Mhmm.”

  “Neither would I.” I couldn’t control the loud laughter that bubbled from the bottom of my throat when he said that. Everyone’s starting got worse and I quickly apologized over my palm. “I’m sorry Mr. Haywood I have this condition that-“

  “Step out of the classroom Ray.”

  “Yes Sir.” I giggled not bothering to pick up my things. Everyone was snickering as I left and I took pride in my strut when I opened the door and let it close slowly behind me. He looked pissed. Only moments later he came out and shut the door behind him. “Are you trying to get me fired?” He asked trying to hide the smile pulling at the edges of his lips.

  “I was trying to embarrass you, but getting you fired would’ve been a bonus.”

  “I don’t think you understand who’s in the higher position here.” His features suddenly got hard. That ember in my chest dimmed at his expression. “Obviously the more mature one.” He looked more angry than upset when I said that. “I am fully capable of driving your dip shit ass down to the county police department and order for a drug test.”

  “And I’m perfectly capable of asking one for you as well.”

  “I’m an adult.”

  “I’m intelligent.”

  “Intelligent enough to jump off of the roof of your school?” That hit me like a typhoon to the face and hit even harder when he kept going. “Intelligent enough to punch a mirror over and over again? Intelligent enough to take a joint from a teacher?” I looked away from him. What’s gotten into him all of a sudden? Maybe I had just caught him in a really great mood those past few days.

  “Huh? What was that, intelligent you say?” _Don’t cry Ray, not here, not now._ “Intelligent enough to cry over some teacher?” That one cut me deep, deep enough to trigger my fight or flight sense. I quickly chose the first option. “Some teacher?!” I screamed swinging out as hard as possible going for just behind his ear to make him lose balance when he caught my hand and squeezed tightly.

  “Get back to class.” He hissed pushing me back into the class room. I wiped the buildup of tears at my tear ducts so I wouldn’t cry and sat back down in my seat. After a few moments Ryan asked a question and called on me to answer it. “Fuck off.” I mumbled not nearly as loud as I wanted to, a few students around me gasped.

  “What was that? I couldn’t hear you properly.” He played innocent. “I said fuck off!” I yelled looking him straight in the eyes as I clenched my fists as hard as possible under my desk. “Detention.” He hissed.

  “Fuck you.” I hissed back.

  “Keep going if you want more than one hour Ray.”

  “Cunt.”

  “Two hours.”

  “Bitch!”

  “Three hours.”

  “Dick head!”

  “Four hours.”

  “You’ll never be as good as Ms. Lackeys!” People looked genuinely stunned when I said that, packing up quickly when the bell rang. How long have we been going at it? It seemed like a few minutes, not the entire fifty of the class period. When I tried to leave the class he gripped my bicep with enough strength to dent steel.

  When everyone was out and it was just the two of us he looked at me with flames in his eyes. “What are you getting at huh? What are you trying to accomplish? Please tell me I’d love to know!” He said with sarcasm. “What’s wrong with you?” He hissed.

  “What’s wrong with me?!”

  “Yes!”

  My blood was boiling and I waited those famous three seconds until I blurted my thoughts. One, two, three!

  “You saved me, that’s what!” I screamed pushing him away from me making him fall backwards a few feet hitting the bottoms of his thighs against his desk. “Damn right I saved you. I saved your life.”

  “A life I didn’t want to live.”

  “You told me you slipped.” And now I let myself cry. “I did slip, and now I’m regretting not jumping sooner so you wouldn’t have caught me!”

  “Is that what you want, death?” And he grew angrier when I pulled his letter opener from behind him and made him hold it to my neck. “The sweet relief of death Ryan. I crave it so much; I’ve craved it for the past four years! Kill me Ryan please!”

  “You aren’t the Ray I know. Who are you?”

  “I don’t know.” I let him throw the letter opener to the ground. I flushed when he grabbed the sides of my face forcing me to look at him in the eyes, I could see the veins that made up the ocean blue of his iris’.

  “Who are you? Who?”          


	2. What

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asshole insults are in this chapter, and more drugs. Yay! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgqZNh9w5bw&index=13&list=WL

  I was now sat in detention, late in the day as I worked on my  _fifth_  fucking assignment. “Four hours seriously Ryan?” I huffed looking at him smugly playing on his phone. “Who called me a  _cunt, bitch_ , and a  _dick head_  all in the span of twenty seconds?” I grumbled out a few inappropriate words before I got to my work again. “You  _are_  a cunt.”

  “Well if you weren’t being so caseous you wouldn’t be here!” Ryan hissed back.

  “What the fuck does caseous mean?”

  “Of or like cheese.”

  “ _Wow_  nice insult Hannah Montana.” I scoffed drawing dicks on my paper out of boredom. Of or like cheese, Jesus what an adult. “Hannah Montana?” He asked sounding offended. I didn’t care I was just staring at the clock waiting for six forty. Once the big hand hit forty I nearly cried of joy. “Thank god!” I said pulling my backpack over my shoulders. Slamming my paper into Ryan’s hand I said, “Sayonara sucker.” and took my leave.

  “Fuck you Ryan.” And I flipped him off as I closed the door behind me watching his left eye twitch in frustration. Instead of walking home I took the closest route to the downtown pub cars whirring past me trying to get home as quickly as possible. No one wanted to be outside of their houses at night in Los Santos. The second I entered the bar all unnecessary stress left my shoulders. I knew the bar tender personally and she damn well knew I was nowhere near twenty-one.

  “Hey X-Ray, what’s been going on with you I haven’t seen you in a few weeks.” Her name was Poppy, and her cheeks looked it too. “Not much, I actually had someone incredibly close to me die a few days ago, trying to cope.” Her lovely smile vanished completely. “Well, to brighten up the gloomy mood I have good news.” She was jumping on her toes and it was contagious, I started smiling, grinning actually.

  “Guess who got engaged yesterday?!” She showed me the ring on her finger and my eyes widened. “Holy shit that’s gorgeous.” The gay got the best of me as I hugged her and grabbed her hand gently to look at the precious gem stones closer so I could get a better look.

  “Damn what it that? Diamond and what else?”

  “Peridot.”

  “It’s beautiful.” I said before asking for straight tequila with lemon and strawberry. Just as I began sipping on my glass someone called my name from behind me. “Ray?”

  “Ryan?”

  “How the fuck did you get in here?” he asked louder than I wanted him to. I slightly shook my head and mouthed ‘no’ hoping he would get the message. He sat next to me on a high top chair and ordered a dark beer. “Shut up Ryan; let me enjoy myself for once in my life.” I joked snickering a little. “Ray who is this?” Poppy asked waggling her eyebrows making me blush.

  “Poppy this is my teacher Ryan.”

  “Teacher!” She laughed. “What a great opportunity for you to catch up on your homework.” I laughed with her, Ryan didn’t think it was funny, and he didn’t take it lightly either. “If you get caught while I’m here not only will you be put into jail, but so will I.”

  “I don’t think you understand Ryan, I don’t give a shit.” And I stuck my pinky out when I took the shot. “You have school tomorrow.” Ryan lied. “It’s Friday my friend.”

  “Ha, friend.” He laughed.

  “ _Ha,_  teacher.” I shot back. That one seemed to do it. “Alright, Poppy was it? Can I get a few shots of Whiskey?” He asked thanking her when she brought out three shot glasses and filled them with the maple liquor. Ryan took two of the shots and slyly hinted at me to take the last one. “You want to play this game? Bring it.”

~+~+~+~

  We got  _fucked_  up. I don’t remember much, and I couldn’t see much, but what I did remember shocked me straight, no pun intended. Ryan drove me to his house and let me trail behind him. When we got inside he presented me with a bong that was a gorgeous amethyst purple with white swirls. Here’s how fucked up I got.

  I was so fucked up when I sat down on the couch I went to buckle up my seat belt, I was so fucked up I forgot to inhale when I burned the hemp packed bowl. When I burned my finger and hissed Ryan was beside me in an instant pulling my forefinger into his mouth running the pad of his tongue over my nail. I mewled, like a fucking cat.

  I remember sweaty, drunk, heavy kisses that weren’t meant to be gentle. I remember Ryan ripping open a condom package with his teeth, me laughing as he missed his dick a few times. I remember pain and pleasure and hair pulling and all of these wonderful things… and then I woke up.

  No way had I just lost my virginity to my  _teacher_. When I woke up I nearly screamed, trying to pry Ryan’s hands off me as quickly as possible. “Oh god, oh my god!” I whisper screamed to myself. “Holy shit.” I whispered picking up my clothes from around the room and pulled them on.

  I felt dirty, and my ass hurts, and I smell of weed, and my hair is tangled, and I have so many dark bruises and hickeys all over my body. My shirt was stiff and uncomfortable but it was better than being naked in front of someone who I was supposed to hate.

  “Oh my god Ray that was the best sex I’ve ever-“ Ryan started opening his eyes then he sobered up. He jumped up and I had to turn away to respect his privacy. “Oh god Ray what have I done.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him cover his face before he pulled on his jeans leaving his shirt off.

  “Ray I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I meant nothing- I mean I wasn’t- I was drunk.” He tried to come towards me but I kept him away with an incredibly hard shove with both of my palms to his chest. “Did you enjoy it at least?” And I began to cry, sobs coming out it loud pants from my heart to my mouth. “Of course I fucking enjoyed it. That was the best feeling I’ve ever had but you’re my _teacher_ and I-I was,” I choked.

  “I was a virgin.”

  At that Ryan’s eyes shot out of his head, oh my god just kill me. “My first time was supposed to be special, not some stupid mistake.”

  “Is that what you thought this was just some stupid mistake?” He gestured between the both of us. “There is no this, only you, there is no _us,_ only _you_.” I had to leave. “I can’t fucking believe what you’re telling me right now, it was-“

  “Shut up Ryan! We were both drunk!” I yelled until my voice was raw. “You regret this? You regret me fucking you? Well guess what Ray, that was no sex, no love making, that was the hardest I’ve ever fucked someone and you _loved_ it. You died for it and begged for it, so don’t tell me you fucking regretted it!” He yelled showing me the scratches I made on his shoulders and back, the bite marks I left on his neck and collar bones.

  “Physically yes, holy shit Ryan that was amazing but emotionally I feel used. You’re my fucking teacher! This shouldn’t be happening! This isn’t-“

  “This isn’t what Ray? Legal? Is that the word you’re looking for? This isn’t legal, since when did you give a fuck about laws.” This was some paramnesia shit. That tiny ember grew and grew the angrier I got, why didn’t I hate him for this? I’m so stupid. “I-“ His phone began to ring.

  “Hello?” And his face hardened into cement. “Geoff not now. I’m busy not now.” He sighed. “I can’t something came up. I’ll do it next time.” He started getting angry. “Well tell Jack or Michael to do it because I’m fucking busy!” Then he collected himself. “You’re right I’m sorry. Bye Geoff.” He threw his phone on the bed then looked back at me. “I’m going home.” I muttered not daring to look him in the eyes.

  I was almost out of the door when Ryan grabbed both of my arms and pinned them to my sides then slammed me against the door effectively crushing my spinal column. “Let me go!” I yelled trying to hit him. “I won’t let you go.” He repeated what he said when he grabbed hold of me on the roof. “I hate you.” I whispered.

  “No you don’t.”

  “You’re right.” I looked up chin wobbling out of control and bit my lip so I wouldn’t choke on my sobs. Ryan kissed me and lovingly and as gently as possible which made me melt. He tasted of my salty tears but I didn’t mind it. “Don’t you feel it?” He asked releasing his grip on me pressing his hand over my heart.

  “This forest fire in my heart, don’t you feel it to?”

  “Let me leave Ryan.” I had to get away from him; I couldn’t have a relationship with my teacher. “We can keep this a secret, you and me. You can stay here with me, it doesn’t even have to be a relationship it can just be physical if you want, or the other way around. Just stay please.” He kissed me again, don’t break Ray don’t break. I pushed him away from me again.

  “Good bye Ryan.” I huffed slamming the door shut as loudly as possible. I feel like such a _whore._ With my backpack hugging my shoulders and my clothes situated properly I began my tread home which was easier than I thought, only about an hour and a half of walking. All I had to do was retrace my steps back to school then head back to my house.

  My face was dry and calm by the time I patted down my pockets for my house keys, unlocking my door as if trying to justify my anger. Los Santos decided to grow dull and grey along with my mood the longer the day continued on. Multiple bong hits later I was resting on the couch getting hungrier and hungrier by the minute.

  It was when my phone rang did I realize I fell asleep. The caller ID was unknown so I answered it. “Hello?” It was the last person I would ever want to talk to, besides Ryan Haywood. “Ray? It’s Mary.” I shot up pressing my glasses hard up the bridge of my nose. “How the fuck did you get this number?” It was my mom, out of all people.

  “Baby, we miss you. It’s been so long,” Her voice wavered but I could see through her bullshit. “Yeah? How about you go fuck yourself then I’ll consider coming within a one hundred mile radius of you.” She sobbed. “Ray, honey don’t be that way.” I hung up. It was weird for me to be this mad when not sober, I’m usually more of a dick head when sober than not.

  My phone rang again, her again, I refused to answer it. Blocking the number I threw my phone onto the love seat across from me. My head hurt from the white hot hangover I was having, a terrible burn that wouldn’t be dimmed with two Advil. I tried so anyways.

  My headache lasted through the weekend and onto Monday when I had to face Ryan again. “Good morning.” He said as I walked past him, frowning when I didn’t respond. I sat further into the back than I usually sat whatever route got me farthest away from him I would take it.

  Well into the class period I began reading, just in case he was feeling up to being a dickhead and called on me. He was. “Ray what is the powerhouse of the cell?”

  “I don’t know Mr. Haywood.” I said as calmly as possible, my mom began texting me from a different phone every time I blocked her; I ended up cracking the screen until I just had enough and put it in one of my kitchen drawers leaving it for the dust mites. “Then you should pay attention.”

  “You know, you should really try and get another hobby rather than bothering me whenever the time is _wrong_. I could just _strangle_ you right now.” I closed one eye and from where I was I put my thumbs up to his throat and tried to imagine his face turning purple.

  “Detention after school today for two hours. Threatening a teacher is never a good thing.”

  “Detention.” I imitated him forming my hand into a chatter box that when on and on and on. “You know what else isn’t a good thing?”

  “Do tell.”

  “Hiring an idiot, for example someone who is replacing a Biology teacher whose name starts with R and end with –yan.”

“Are you calling me an idiot Ray?” The class around me vanished and only the dumb, well built, teacher remained. “Out of all of the Ryan’s who are replacing Biology teacher’s in the world and you out yourself? How selfish of you.” As the class began to snicker my pride swelled.

  “How tall is my throne Ray, as tall as this building?” Ouch. “Tall enough to jump off of right?” Right in the baby maker. “Or is it as tall as your ego?” He went for the jugular. “Nope, I was thinking something more along below sea level, so basically the size of your dick.” Now that one hit him harder than he could ever hit me right to his heart.

  “Actually it’s as tall as your parent’s love for you.” I froze.

  I can’t believe he just said that. I can’t fucking _believe_ he just said that, to the entire class. My jaw went slack and I saw red, no way could I stay in this classroom for longer than about three seconds. I’m going to explode. I chuckled lowly to myself trying to calm down as I pulled my backpack on. To the roof. To the roof. To the roof. Get to the fuck roof Ray before you kill someone.

  Ryan dared to put his hands on me as I made my way to the door. “Where do you think you’re-“ Without thinking I rushed forward and head butted him straight to the nose, he let go of me long enough for me to run out and up the stairs. This time I was sure to tie my backpack straps against the door handles so no one could get to the roof.

  The wind was blowing in a cool calming breeze as I gripped my hair with my left hand and pounded my fist into my head with my right. “Stupid stupid stupid!” I yelled at myself. Someone was pounding on the door harder than I was against my skull. “Ray.” Ugh. After a while trying to convince myself that murder didn’t need to be on my resume so early in life. “What?” I hissed.


	3. When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Expect the unexpected

**When**

  “What?” I hissed again. “Open the door.” He said shaking on the door knob again trying to press as much of his weight against it as possible. He was worried, so terrified. I could tell, and I fucking hated it. “Do you even _understand_ what that does to me?” I remember what he said to the entire class.

  _Actually it’s as tall as your parent’s love for you._

“Bringing my parents into- gah!” I yelled slamming my fists against my temples, anything to stop me from thinking. I mumbled something even _I_ couldn’t understand. After a few minutes the pounding stopped, both in my head and against the door. “I’ll leave you alone. Come by my room when you’re ready to go home, and Ray.” Even though he had no way of knowing if I was listening or not he kept going.

  “Don’t do anything stupid.”

~+~+~+~  
  It was hours after dark, after the sunset faded to navy and the stars shown bright. Was I ready to get off of the roof yet? I felt like the mongrel of the universe right about now, unlucky and unwanted. Opening the door slowly I made my way down the stairs cringing at the absurdly loud echo that rang through every corner of the stair well.

  I tried to pass by Ryan’s classroom without trouble until I heard a voice that called out loudly. “Bout damn time you showed up. Let’s go.” Ryan’s door was open as were his eyes and ears and now I would have to be stuck with him my entire ride home. A dark bruise was starting to form around the entirety of his nose where I head butted him. At the sound of keys swinging around Ryan’s finger I ran my hands through my hair trying to keep it out of my face.

  “You’re my GPS; direct me to where you want to go Sir.” Ryan joked trying to lighten the gloom of the car. “Just head to your house and instead of making the turn into the neighborhood keep going straight.” I tried to keep the conversation to a minimum.

  “Now what?” Ryan asked taking me out of my head for enough time to tell him to turn left on the third turn then drive to the fifth condo. Once we were at my house I let out a shaky breath. The ember in my chest grew into a blazing forest fire. “Well, thanks I guess.” I knew what was going to happen and I loathed that I would give in.

  “Wait.” Ryan gripped just below my shoulder and drew me in close and uncomfortable against his chest kissing me with so much hunger and regret and guilt that it was practically spilling over. Once he let me go and I backed away I took a lazy breath in and out and opened my eyes. “You wanna come in for coffee or something?”

  “Or something…?” At that I smiled which was cut short by the heel of Ryan’s palm grinding against me just below the belt. I opened my mouth in a smile and groaned. “Fuck me.” I hissed out over the bite of teeth against his exposed throat. “C’mon.” Ryan urged me out of the car and practically carried me waiting for me to unlock my door.

  He pushed me up against the wall just a few feet from the door which I struggled to lock then he threw me against my couch pulling my shirt up so he could run the pads of his fingers against my stomach leaving open mouthed kisses from my sternum to my pant line. Pushing me to the edge he pulled me next to him to stand up.  

  He grabbed me by my ass and hitched my legs far up his waist so I wouldn’t slip. After a few steps and fumbling with a door knob Ryan pushed me into a dark room. “Ryan wait, wait.” I began laughing when he turned the lights on, we were in the bathroom. “Second door babe, second.”

  “I’m sorry I don’t know my way around your house Ray.” Ryan apologized mockingly. He bit my lip surprisingly hard pulling a sharp _slutty_ moan from the base of my gut to my mouth as I breathed roughly. Once we made it into my room Ryan threw me on the bed, thank god it was a posture pedic otherwise I would’ve just bounced off the end killing the mood.

  He peeled his shirt off showing me how great his body was. He rocked his hips a bit making me laugh. “Way to ruin the mood He-man.” Ryan laughed and kicked off his shoes trying as sexily as possible to unlace mine and pull them from my heels successfully nailing himself in the right eye.

  “Just get up here and fuck me already.” I laughed pulling him by the belt situating him between my hips. “I wanna fuck you sideways.” He growled making me flush. “Okay.” I said softly biting my lip as I held my arms up for him to remove my shirt. He pressed his lips against the flesh of my stomach flicking his tongue over my ribs then pulled off my shirt entirely.

  “I won’t be able to bite you if you do it sideways.” I said suddenly thinking about how I _really_ liked it. “You wouldn’t be able to choke me properly.” I growled out watching Ryan’s jaw go slack. “Oh my god get your pants off now.” He pulled at my belt and dragged the fabric down my legs stopping to kiss at my kneecaps then took practically no time at all taking his own pants off.

  It was magical to put it lightly. Way better than how I lost my virginity.

  “That was too good, I can’t go to school.” I huffed after we had sex for the fifth time the next morning. I didn’t even bother to cover up. “You have homework due.” Ryan said pulling on his jacket and adjusted his tie scratching at his chin. “Can I suck you off before you leave?” Ryan choked on his coffee when I said that. “Jesus Ray,” He backtracked and mentally slapped himself and took a sip from his coffee. “Not now, stay here if you wanna I gotta teach.”

  “You’re no fun.” I said flipping onto my stomach and cuddling up to my pillow. “Sorry babe no escaping this.”  I groaned as I watched him leave. “Lock the door!’ I yelled hoping he heard. “Will do!” He yelled back and then I buried my face into the bed sheets.

  That’s pretty much how the rest of the day went until at around the time school would end someone knocked on my door none too lightly. I thought it was Ryan until I realized that he probably would’ve called or texted me if he was coming over. _Shit,_ I remembered. I put my phone in my kitchen drawer. Hesitantly I walked up to the front door and unlocked both the top and the bottom. I expected to see Ryan even if it was improbable not the shiny badges of the County Police.

  “Mr. Ray Narvaez? County Sherriff David Brown we are here to take you to the station for questioning.” Thoughts wracked my brain and it continued until I began to think realistically about the situation. “For what purpose Officer?” I expected him to say something about me smoking weed as a minor. I expected him to say something about my parents. I expected him to say something about Ryan but no, of course not, that would’ve been too easy.

  Instead the officer said, “About Ms.Lakeys’ death Mr. Narvaez she was murdered.” I didn’t think to ask about anything other than the cause and time of death. “When?”   


End file.
